Kick boxing and kick ass workouts.

Hello ladies and gents (well if anyone out there is actually reading this),

I've been feeling really down about myself lately, and a lot of negative body talk as been going on.
So I decided to stop throwing myself a pity party and actually do something about it.

As the last two and a half weeks of my freshman college classes and final exams come to a close, I decided I need to get my body moving anyways. Lately I've either been studying and working on projects or sitting around on my butt watching Netflix for hours on end. And with more and more television watching, comes more snacking. And more snacking leads to cravings for junk food.. and it just snowballs from there.

So yesterday was going to be the day where I started it all.... however I ended up hanging out with some friends instead so today was the day! And let me tell you, this workout was kick ass. It was a Jillian Michaels work out video I had found on youtube. It's about an hour long and it's a total body conditioning workout with a lot of kick boxing influences. I absolutely loved it! All the moves were adaptable to your fitness level and it really pushed you. I've done sports my entire life and I've never done circuit workouts that tough. (And I did circuit workouts daily when I swam competitively!) This is going to be the workout that I stick with for awhile, while providing myself some rest/yoga days. Then when I get home I'll incorporate some trail running and such. Gotta ease my way into it of course!

Needless to say, I feel incredibly accomplished right now. I just hope I keep holding onto the motivation that I have right now. I know if I do I'll definitely see results!

Here's the link to the video! Jillian Michaels Kick Ass Kick Boxing Workout

I really hate my body sometimes.

Okay, the negative talk is getting worse and worse. I constantly have a battle with myself about whether my body is good enough; often times I conclude that it's not. I feel ashamed when I look at myself in the mirror. I feel guilty after everything I eat. I don't know how to stop this cycle... I want to stop feeling so bad about myself and so insecure all the time. I just don't know how to do it.

I want to work out more. I truly want to get into the habit of working out every day, but there always seems to be something else for me to do. Always Organic Chemistry, a project, a chapter to read for some class. Then after all that is taken care of I feel entitled to a break. I feel like I deserve to watch netflix and relax for the night. But afterwards I always feel so guilty... I feel lazy, I feel fat.

Some days I strip down to my bra and underwear and just look at my body in the mirror and scrutinize every possible inch. The way my legs curve out, the way my hips have just a bit too much extra fat, the way my inner thighs just slightly touch... the list goes on and on. Then afterwards I feel so depressed that I just curl up in my bed and watch more netflix and snack. (This is obviously a very unhealthy habit.) I just need to break free. I need to find a way to prove to myself that I am better than this. That I am beautiful now, and that I will feel even more beautiful when I get into a healthier body and mind set.

The only problem is getting to that point.

Already getting difficult...

So this whole being positive to myself concept is already extremely different. I have an extreme problem with body envy. It's to the point where I can't even look at another person without comparing myself to them. I feel guilty every time I eat something that isn't a fruit, vegetable, whole grain, or lean piece of meat. I really just want to love myself and be happy, but it's like I forgot how to.

Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a fish bowl; everyone's eyes peeling back the layers of me, making me exposed and vulnerable to their judgements. I need to just stop caring. It's becoming self destructive and making me progress further into unhealthy habits.

If people don't like that I post pictures of my healthy meals, well then they don't have to look at them. I need to do what I need to do to stay active and healthy. Not only in my body, but in my mind.

P.S. I only post on days I work out! So if you don't hear from me daily, that's why.

I Challenge Myself (Again)

Okay everybody, so this is the second time I'm trying to do a fitness and nutrition blog. And I actually want to follow through with it this time. It's not going to be just listing my workouts, but also just a way to keep me motivated! I'm nearing the end of my first year of college and honestly, I'm not proud of how little physical activity I've been engaged in. I don't keep up with workouts, I've been known to binge on weekends. So from here on out, I'm going to stop these unhealthy behaviors! I'm not saying I can never splurge on sweets or anything, I just want to be honest with myself about it and not feel guilty. This is about changing my lifestyle, not just losing weight. I want to change my body, but I want to also change the way I think. So I welcome you on this magical journey (OK maybe not magical)... but seriously. Set your own goals, make your own blog. Do something that makes you feel good.

GOALS:
-Complete a 5k; without walking.
-Increase flexibility
-Be nicer to myself; no negative talk
-Learn to meditate; and destress

First Day Pictures: