Okay, the negative talk is getting worse and worse. I constantly have a battle with myself about whether my body is good enough; often times I conclude that it's not. I feel ashamed when I look at myself in the mirror. I feel guilty after everything I eat. I don't know how to stop this cycle... I want to stop feeling so bad about myself and so insecure all the time. I just don't know how to do it.
I want to work out more. I truly want to get into the habit of working out every day, but there always seems to be something else for me to do. Always Organic Chemistry, a project, a chapter to read for some class. Then after all that is taken care of I feel entitled to a break. I feel like I deserve to watch netflix and relax for the night. But afterwards I always feel so guilty... I feel lazy, I feel fat.
Some days I strip down to my bra and underwear and just look at my body in the mirror and scrutinize every possible inch. The way my legs curve out, the way my hips have just a bit too much extra fat, the way my inner thighs just slightly touch... the list goes on and on. Then afterwards I feel so depressed that I just curl up in my bed and watch more netflix and snack. (This is obviously a very unhealthy habit.) I just need to break free. I need to find a way to prove to myself that I am better than this. That I am beautiful now, and that I will feel even more beautiful when I get into a healthier body and mind set.
The only problem is getting to that point.
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